Friday, November 28, 2014

Love Like Ours

If you've finally found your bae, congratulations. I'm sincerely happy for you. But hey, here's an open reflection of my hopeless romantic self, just one of the few souls inside my body.

I am encouraging you to listen to this song while reading the next paragraphs of this post. :)
I haven't been listening to the songs of A Rocket to the Moon until late this year, and I must admit that all of their songs give me so much #feels. The melody of their tracks is perfect when you're in a night drive, or even when you're just lying down on the grass at your garden while looking at the stars. There's a story behind their lyrics that will really make you fall in love (even though you don't have a bae, haha), especially this one.

Late last year, I cursed committing. I've gone to few dates this year after my Holiday Break-up in December last year and sworn to myself that I wouldn't let anyone get into my way and destroy my focus again. Still, as of this moment, I would say that I'm still afraid of getting into a relationship because I guess I'm still not ready for a real-time pain [again].

Don't get me wrong. Not that I'm a man-hater or I don't want to commit at all - my friend, I still want to believe that there's somebody out there who will make me feel that everything's gonna be worth it. Maybe not just yet. Not now. Or maybe I haven't met that person yet. Or maybe I have already met him but the right timing is yet to come - and it's not now.

This year has been a full-time trial and error dating process for me, and having been open to going out with some guys for some months, I have realized that I'm definitely not into games anymore (so I finally decided to stop seeing people for awhile); I have discovered what I want when it comes to finding a partner. It's not just about the first impressions, because I fall for the heart, mind and soul; secondary for the body and the physical all. I know better now. I know I deserve someone who wouldn't give up on me. I know I deserve someone who would meet me halfway.

It's nice to imagine to have someone to hold as we make our dreams come true. To have picnic with at Central Park in New York. To enjoy the snow with as we stare at the Eiffel Tower in Paris. To ride the airplane with as we conquer the world. There's too much to imagine right now, and I know, in time, it's all gonna happen.

And I will do my best to make that person smile. To make him happy. To make him forget all the pain he had been through in the past. To make him feel all the love he deserves. To make him know that there's someone who believes and who will believe in him no matter what (and that's me). To make him push himself beyond his limits. To make him realize that I'm worth the wait, and that I'm worth it all, because for me, he's worth the wait, he's worth it all.

And we'll have it all. We'll be by each other's side as we both make our dreams come true. And we'll make it hand in hand as we define our own perfection. We'll sing our favorite songs in our dream car and watch our all-time favorite movies in our dream house. We'll try new food together and cook for each other. We'll have breakfast to look forward to every morning because it's gonna be our morning date every day. We'll look back as we go stargazing at night and see how we've gone through the long hard way together. We'll grow old still truly, madly and deeply in love with each other... And there'll never be a love like ours. :) *heart eyes emoji*

Somebody Out There
A Rocket to the Moon

You deserve someone who listens to you
Hears every word and knows what to do
When you’re feeling hopeless, lost and confused
There’s somebody out there who will 

You need a man who holds you for hours
Make your friends jealous
When he brings you flowers
And laughs when he says they don’t have love like ours
There somebody out there who will

There’s somebody out there who’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you, I swear that its true
He’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill
There’s somebody out there who will

He’ll take you dancing and pull you in close
Spin you around and won’t let you go
Till they turn the lights off and he’ll take you home
There’s somebody out there who will

There’s somebody out there who’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you I swear that its true
He’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill
There’s somebody out there who will

Tossing and turning and dreaming at night
About finding him and praying and hoping you might
‘Cause you deserve someone who knows how to treat you right

I know he’s out there 
He’s looking for you
Someday he’ll find you I swear that it’s true
And he’s gonna kiss you and you’ll feel the world standstill

You need someone who’ll miss you
Hold you and kiss you
There’s somebody out there who will

Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Of Things Unnoticed

Last Saturday, even though I was out late, I woke up early to jog with the troupe. They are my friends from the neighborhood, and it feels nice to have people in the community to hangout with.

I was the one who initiated the jogging (even though we all slept late because we were together that Friday night). Upon reaching The District - Imus from Villa Bienes, it rained. We had coffee for awhile before going back to the village. Rain drops were still falling on our way, so I took the time to not be in a rush and observe. I really have this thing for little things and I couldn't let the chance slip to take a look around me.

Every day, we are too busy minding the huge things that happen in our lives. We tend to neglect the little things that give color to our world. Our eyes always stare straight ahead, not realizing that we're unconsciously taking a lot of things for granted. Like that flower I took a picture of - if you won't look down, you won't notice it. It may not be as stunning as a rose, but it has beauty. The tiny drops of water, just among the other things that go unnoticed most of the time, added to the beauty of this tiny masterpiece.

In our lives, at one point or another, we sometimes feel unnoticed... Unimportant. Unappreciated. People only see the major things we do for them, putting into oblivion the little ones. Our efforts aren't credited, and what's worse is that we're treated as if we did nothing. We want to please them because they matter, because we love them, but then we're never enough.

We fight an everyday struggle to please the people we love not because we want recognition, but because we want them to know that we're here. It's a constant battle that's actually hard to win because we can't take a hold of what they see in us. Sometimes the best we give isn't good enough.

But here's what we should keep in mind: We are more than the efforts that have never been recognized. More than the best shot that has never been acknowledged. We are more than the sum of our mistakes. Of all the things we've ever done that remain unnoticed, we're all more than that.

Here's a song I know we could all somehow relate to:

We may not be perfect, but we're always more than enough. Remember that. Always.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Kid Inside

Every time I get to see old photographs at home, I can't help but smile. The ecstasy of recalling the feelings behind those shots is just priceless. It's like I want to go back in time and watch myself as I make that loud carefree laughter. No, not that I want to turn back the time, change things and be a different person - man, even in the least reason, I won't. What I was and had been through yesterday have so much to do with who I already am now, and I don't regret a thing. I had been in the light and in the dark, and to sum everything up, my life has been a great one so far. It's just that there are some so much moments that I want to replay to feel the euphoria all over again.

My first smile? The first word I've ever said? My first few steps? The first time I ever called my parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'? (Damn, eyes, tears... No.) My parents must've smiled widely because of too much excitement. They must've asked me to do those things again. I wish I could see the happiness in their eyes during those firsts.

When I entered toddler? Joined kiddie pageants? Sang and danced on stage while looking at Mom and Dad? Had my first graduation speech during preschool? Those moments must've made my parents cutely proud. They must've clapped with the highest elation and must've made every click of the camera count because hey, films are limited back then.

And the list goes on. And on. And on.

I wish I could go back to those moments and see how wonderful (or maybe awful, haha) it was to watch me grow. I wish I could simply just see the whole scene whenever I look at those photos that just make me smile at random times now. I wish I could see my life before my very eyes.

Isn't it nice to remember? We were all kids once. We were all once free from anxieties and responsibilities of the real world. We were all once just jumping and running and laughing and playing. We were all once those little ones.

I wish I could see how I enjoyed playing in the rain. I wish I could remember how the rain only reminded me of fun outside baths with my playmates instead of random nostalgia while I'm lying on my bed. I wish I could embrace the flood once more and not mind how dirty it was, instead of remembering how many lives had been taken away because of calamities.

I wish I could see how fast (or slow) I ran when I chased my playmates, or how high I jumped. I wish I could hear how loud I cried or how hard I laughed. I wish I could see the light on my face when I was offered a chocolate bar after having tantrums. I wish I could see how amazing it was to grow up.

Life is nothing but a constant reminder that everything around us keeps on changing. Yes, we are and will always be more than the number of years we would ever live, but those numbers just prove that we're moving from one pace to another every single day. One day we'll wake up realizing that we have outgrown a lot of our clothes and that our toys no longer suit us anymore. We're no longer for the balls, but for the world.

Still, we will keep on running and jumping and chasing, but no longer because we're playing - it's because we have to. We have to because we're living the reality. We have to because we are already, er, what is it called? Grown-ups. Gone are the days when balloons are just things that we want to play with; because now, a balloon could be a symbol of what we all want to and have to let go of.

But no matter how old we are, there will always be that kid inside us. The kid inside will never die. Every day we are fighting a battle if we should act right or just act, but still, we're all nothing but an infant trapped inside this grown-up body, trying to have a tight grip of whatever we could hold on to.

I wish I could just play it all again, but life is and will never be as easy as that, so we all have to live in the moment and make every second count. I think I've already said this before, but let me just say it again: today is the youngest we'll ever be, and the oldest we've ever been, better yet make it legendary.

I would like to share this song by Miranda Lambert as I end this post. #feels

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

All Photos from Google

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

To The Stories Never Told

Last night, I opened my laptop and planned to make a blog post. I knew I was going nowhere so I just saved the draft after the third sentence of the second paragraph.

Too much of those... I always tell myself to regret nothing but I have hundreds of unexposed thoughts. Upon deciding to not push through with the blog post I was supposed to write, I started re-reading the entries I never posted in this blog, and with that, I've had an epiphany: all the things that we never expressed were those we've always wanted to shout out loud. They were the drafts we wish we had the courage to post in public. They were the letters we wish we had the courage to at least give to the recipient. They were the text messages we wish we had the courage to read whatever reply we could have received. They were the words we wish we had the courage to utter. They were the feelings we wish we had the courage to accept even when unrequited.

Life has a funny way of suddenly making us realize things when we're already lying on our beds at night and about to sleep; that moment when we get a glimpse of the night sky and just whisper, "Life... Life." It's amazing, too, how one second could make a transition in the way we perceive reality. Fast and sudden, yes, but that's how it really is, right? Time's too fast and moments are too sudden. We try to capture memories but after some time they will all be nothing but unmoving images; captured are the smiles and the laughter, but never the stories behind it.

Because there will always be those untold stories, or maybe stories that had started but weren't given endings. There will always be unfinished sentences or omitted phrases. There will always be something in our lives that, as much as we would have wanted to tell the world, circumstances provide that we can never do it - not because we weren't allowed to, but because it's the best thing we could ever do.

Each one of us has a story to tell, but not all stories are meant to be written in papers or carved in stones. Some stories are just as good as the vapor in the air. That doesn't mean that those stories aren't significant - they are, because all stories are connected and everything happens because of what had previously happened.

Our stories, no matter how big or small, long or short, amazing or devastating, are all linked to make sense like the Big Bang Theory. It doesn't matter if you're the lady with the perfectly applied red lipstick or the damsel with make-up smeared eyes. It doesn't matter if you're the man with a nice suit or the guy with full-body tattoo. We're all part of an untold story, and we all have stories that we will never tell.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Young and Reckless

I am just starting my life. I may have lived for more than two decades now, but I know that I am just starting the real life. I've had too much, but I know I still have so much more to learn; which brings me to write this post about my favorite track from Taylor Swift's latest album, 1989.

Track No. 2. BLANK SPACE. 
Man, I could listen to this song all day. No kidding.
This song is something that I really can relate with at the moment. People (IYKWIM) come and go, and it's something that's inevitable. I used to ask what the hell was wrong with me (oh yes, past tense) before because I seemed to always be the one who's left behind, and well, yeah, I thought right. There was something wrong with me. I cared too much. I've always been the one who cared more. I was so stupid because I had begged for those people to stay when they were already leaving. Hah! Pathetic, you say. Pathetic, I agree. And it's just funny 'cause I am already laughing about it now. Isn't it amazing when you've come to realize that you're now fine? You still kind of care because those things happened, but you now just care because, well, they happened. Past tense.

I have never been too public with that aspect of my life. Even though I'm so loud at social media, I rarely post photos of me and *insert whoever's name* and everything that's within the 'Hey, meet my beau' parameter because I've always been private about that. For the record, I have never changed my relationship status for real. It has always been a complicated status, widow or in a relationship for a PRANK, or just BLANK.

I've been a target of third parties, trust issues and false hopes since my hypothalamus (correct me if I'm wrong; dude, I'm not a Biology major) learned how to fall in love. I guess that's really how the cycle goes. You fall, you crash, you heal, and then you fall again, and it just goes round and round.

I wouldn't deny that I am weird and crazy. I love having ice creams at 2AM. Geez, my favorite time of day is 2AM. I write poems out of the blue, make calligraphy art, take photos of mundane things (plus selfies), dance like nobody's watching even though almost everyone actually is, sing at the top of my lungs, start to write songs but never actually finish them... One word: RANDOM. I could be at my best and worst at the same time, but swear, I know I'm somehow doing a good job in handling myself because I know who I am. I talk too much when I'm happy, and shut the hell up when I'm mad until [maybe] I could no longer take it all because of too much fury. At most and at least, I know that I am nothing ordinary.

At the moment, I'm enjoying the gains of what I have lost. There's this struggle of multiple souls inside me but I'm coping with it because even though most souls are confused and are still trying to figure out what they are up to, all those souls are happy. All those souls are flying in the open right now. They're not looking for something to hold on to, but they're waiting for the bliss.

When I'm finally ready to burn the walls I've built around me and put my guards down, I know I have more than enough to offer. I love how I have been taking my time, and I can give a good punch to knock the bad vibes out. I'm all for good. I may be young and reckless, but I'd be more than willing to write whoever's name in my blank space if circumstances prove that whoever that person is is worth it.

And no matter how painful the past had been, no matter how nasty the scars are, WE should always leave a blank space for that someone who's willing to turn it all around. We could show incredible things, be the king or the queen. Shit happens, but hey, remember this one, too: SHIT PASSES. ;)
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