Tuesday, November 18, 2014

Of Things Unnoticed

Last Saturday, even though I was out late, I woke up early to jog with the troupe. They are my friends from the neighborhood, and it feels nice to have people in the community to hangout with.

I was the one who initiated the jogging (even though we all slept late because we were together that Friday night). Upon reaching The District - Imus from Villa Bienes, it rained. We had coffee for awhile before going back to the village. Rain drops were still falling on our way, so I took the time to not be in a rush and observe. I really have this thing for little things and I couldn't let the chance slip to take a look around me.

Every day, we are too busy minding the huge things that happen in our lives. We tend to neglect the little things that give color to our world. Our eyes always stare straight ahead, not realizing that we're unconsciously taking a lot of things for granted. Like that flower I took a picture of - if you won't look down, you won't notice it. It may not be as stunning as a rose, but it has beauty. The tiny drops of water, just among the other things that go unnoticed most of the time, added to the beauty of this tiny masterpiece.

In our lives, at one point or another, we sometimes feel unnoticed... Unimportant. Unappreciated. People only see the major things we do for them, putting into oblivion the little ones. Our efforts aren't credited, and what's worse is that we're treated as if we did nothing. We want to please them because they matter, because we love them, but then we're never enough.

We fight an everyday struggle to please the people we love not because we want recognition, but because we want them to know that we're here. It's a constant battle that's actually hard to win because we can't take a hold of what they see in us. Sometimes the best we give isn't good enough.

But here's what we should keep in mind: We are more than the efforts that have never been recognized. More than the best shot that has never been acknowledged. We are more than the sum of our mistakes. Of all the things we've ever done that remain unnoticed, we're all more than that.

Here's a song I know we could all somehow relate to:

We may not be perfect, but we're always more than enough. Remember that. Always.

Thursday, November 13, 2014

The Kid Inside

Every time I get to see old photographs at home, I can't help but smile. The ecstasy of recalling the feelings behind those shots is just priceless. It's like I want to go back in time and watch myself as I make that loud carefree laughter. No, not that I want to turn back the time, change things and be a different person - man, even in the least reason, I won't. What I was and had been through yesterday have so much to do with who I already am now, and I don't regret a thing. I had been in the light and in the dark, and to sum everything up, my life has been a great one so far. It's just that there are some so much moments that I want to replay to feel the euphoria all over again.

My first smile? The first word I've ever said? My first few steps? The first time I ever called my parents 'Mom' and 'Dad'? (Damn, eyes, tears... No.) My parents must've smiled widely because of too much excitement. They must've asked me to do those things again. I wish I could see the happiness in their eyes during those firsts.

When I entered toddler? Joined kiddie pageants? Sang and danced on stage while looking at Mom and Dad? Had my first graduation speech during preschool? Those moments must've made my parents cutely proud. They must've clapped with the highest elation and must've made every click of the camera count because hey, films are limited back then.

And the list goes on. And on. And on.

I wish I could go back to those moments and see how wonderful (or maybe awful, haha) it was to watch me grow. I wish I could simply just see the whole scene whenever I look at those photos that just make me smile at random times now. I wish I could see my life before my very eyes.

Isn't it nice to remember? We were all kids once. We were all once free from anxieties and responsibilities of the real world. We were all once just jumping and running and laughing and playing. We were all once those little ones.

I wish I could see how I enjoyed playing in the rain. I wish I could remember how the rain only reminded me of fun outside baths with my playmates instead of random nostalgia while I'm lying on my bed. I wish I could embrace the flood once more and not mind how dirty it was, instead of remembering how many lives had been taken away because of calamities.

I wish I could see how fast (or slow) I ran when I chased my playmates, or how high I jumped. I wish I could hear how loud I cried or how hard I laughed. I wish I could see the light on my face when I was offered a chocolate bar after having tantrums. I wish I could see how amazing it was to grow up.

Life is nothing but a constant reminder that everything around us keeps on changing. Yes, we are and will always be more than the number of years we would ever live, but those numbers just prove that we're moving from one pace to another every single day. One day we'll wake up realizing that we have outgrown a lot of our clothes and that our toys no longer suit us anymore. We're no longer for the balls, but for the world.

Still, we will keep on running and jumping and chasing, but no longer because we're playing - it's because we have to. We have to because we're living the reality. We have to because we are already, er, what is it called? Grown-ups. Gone are the days when balloons are just things that we want to play with; because now, a balloon could be a symbol of what we all want to and have to let go of.

But no matter how old we are, there will always be that kid inside us. The kid inside will never die. Every day we are fighting a battle if we should act right or just act, but still, we're all nothing but an infant trapped inside this grown-up body, trying to have a tight grip of whatever we could hold on to.

I wish I could just play it all again, but life is and will never be as easy as that, so we all have to live in the moment and make every second count. I think I've already said this before, but let me just say it again: today is the youngest we'll ever be, and the oldest we've ever been, better yet make it legendary.

I would like to share this song by Miranda Lambert as I end this post. #feels

If I could just come in, I swear I'll leave
Won't take nothing but a memory
From the house that built me

All Photos from Google

Tuesday, November 11, 2014

To The Stories Never Told

Last night, I opened my laptop and planned to make a blog post. I knew I was going nowhere so I just saved the draft after the third sentence of the second paragraph.

Too much of those... I always tell myself to regret nothing but I have hundreds of unexposed thoughts. Upon deciding to not push through with the blog post I was supposed to write, I started re-reading the entries I never posted in this blog, and with that, I've had an epiphany: all the things that we never expressed were those we've always wanted to shout out loud. They were the drafts we wish we had the courage to post in public. They were the letters we wish we had the courage to at least give to the recipient. They were the text messages we wish we had the courage to read whatever reply we could have received. They were the words we wish we had the courage to utter. They were the feelings we wish we had the courage to accept even when unrequited.

Life has a funny way of suddenly making us realize things when we're already lying on our beds at night and about to sleep; that moment when we get a glimpse of the night sky and just whisper, "Life... Life." It's amazing, too, how one second could make a transition in the way we perceive reality. Fast and sudden, yes, but that's how it really is, right? Time's too fast and moments are too sudden. We try to capture memories but after some time they will all be nothing but unmoving images; captured are the smiles and the laughter, but never the stories behind it.

Because there will always be those untold stories, or maybe stories that had started but weren't given endings. There will always be unfinished sentences or omitted phrases. There will always be something in our lives that, as much as we would have wanted to tell the world, circumstances provide that we can never do it - not because we weren't allowed to, but because it's the best thing we could ever do.

Each one of us has a story to tell, but not all stories are meant to be written in papers or carved in stones. Some stories are just as good as the vapor in the air. That doesn't mean that those stories aren't significant - they are, because all stories are connected and everything happens because of what had previously happened.

Our stories, no matter how big or small, long or short, amazing or devastating, are all linked to make sense like the Big Bang Theory. It doesn't matter if you're the lady with the perfectly applied red lipstick or the damsel with make-up smeared eyes. It doesn't matter if you're the man with a nice suit or the guy with full-body tattoo. We're all part of an untold story, and we all have stories that we will never tell.

Wednesday, November 5, 2014

Young and Reckless

I am just starting my life. I may have lived for more than two decades now, but I know that I am just starting the real life. I've had too much, but I know I still have so much more to learn; which brings me to write this post about my favorite track from Taylor Swift's latest album, 1989.

Track No. 2. BLANK SPACE. 
Man, I could listen to this song all day. No kidding.
This song is something that I really can relate with at the moment. People (IYKWIM) come and go, and it's something that's inevitable. I used to ask what the hell was wrong with me (oh yes, past tense) before because I seemed to always be the one who's left behind, and well, yeah, I thought right. There was something wrong with me. I cared too much. I've always been the one who cared more. I was so stupid because I had begged for those people to stay when they were already leaving. Hah! Pathetic, you say. Pathetic, I agree. And it's just funny 'cause I am already laughing about it now. Isn't it amazing when you've come to realize that you're now fine? You still kind of care because those things happened, but you now just care because, well, they happened. Past tense.

I have never been too public with that aspect of my life. Even though I'm so loud at social media, I rarely post photos of me and *insert whoever's name* and everything that's within the 'Hey, meet my beau' parameter because I've always been private about that. For the record, I have never changed my relationship status for real. It has always been a complicated status, widow or in a relationship for a PRANK, or just BLANK.

I've been a target of third parties, trust issues and false hopes since my hypothalamus (correct me if I'm wrong; dude, I'm not a Biology major) learned how to fall in love. I guess that's really how the cycle goes. You fall, you crash, you heal, and then you fall again, and it just goes round and round.

I wouldn't deny that I am weird and crazy. I love having ice creams at 2AM. Geez, my favorite time of day is 2AM. I write poems out of the blue, make calligraphy art, take photos of mundane things (plus selfies), dance like nobody's watching even though almost everyone actually is, sing at the top of my lungs, start to write songs but never actually finish them... One word: RANDOM. I could be at my best and worst at the same time, but swear, I know I'm somehow doing a good job in handling myself because I know who I am. I talk too much when I'm happy, and shut the hell up when I'm mad until [maybe] I could no longer take it all because of too much fury. At most and at least, I know that I am nothing ordinary.

At the moment, I'm enjoying the gains of what I have lost. There's this struggle of multiple souls inside me but I'm coping with it because even though most souls are confused and are still trying to figure out what they are up to, all those souls are happy. All those souls are flying in the open right now. They're not looking for something to hold on to, but they're waiting for the bliss.

When I'm finally ready to burn the walls I've built around me and put my guards down, I know I have more than enough to offer. I love how I have been taking my time, and I can give a good punch to knock the bad vibes out. I'm all for good. I may be young and reckless, but I'd be more than willing to write whoever's name in my blank space if circumstances prove that whoever that person is is worth it.

And no matter how painful the past had been, no matter how nasty the scars are, WE should always leave a blank space for that someone who's willing to turn it all around. We could show incredible things, be the king or the queen. Shit happens, but hey, remember this one, too: SHIT PASSES. ;)

Tuesday, September 23, 2014

20 Facts About Me

My friend Nikki tagged me this chain post on Facebook but since my feeds are already flooded with chain posts like this, I just decided to put it on my blog. Besides, I think no one would actually care to read it so I'd just dump it here. Haha.

Without further ado, here's my list:

  1. I am a really, really talkative person and I can be annoying sometimes. I am aware of that.
  2. Reading and writing are my life.
  3. I don’t like going to clubs because I can’t stand the environment of cigarette smoking, drunk people vomiting, people making out in public and anything in between. Eew. Just eew.
  4. I am not fond of putting make-ups. I am not that comfortable and I feel really conscious whenever I wear ‘em.
  5. Sometimes I think I’m being so impassive. I’m really outspoken with regard to my opinion and ideas but I’m really afraid to show my feelings. The fear always holds me back, maybe because I’m afraid of rejection and total isolation.
  6. I admit that I have a bit of trust issues but I still get attached to people easily. People who are really close to me know why.
  7. I’m a POTTERHEAD.  After all this time? Always. Can’t find the perfect words to explain this. And number 7 for this "fact" because Harry Potter has seven books. ;)
  8. My ultimate celebrity girl crush is Emma Watson. Need I say more?
  9. It’s not that obvious but I have scoliosis. We found it out when I was in Grade 6. It sucks whenever back pains attack me because the feeling is really torturous.
  10. I have small feet (size 4) and small hands.
  11. My playlist has a majority of Taylor Swift and Paramore tracks, but I do listen to various genres of music. I am a great fan of classic instrumentals and jazz, too!
  12. I love watching and playing basketball. I don’t stand out in this sport but I really love dribbling and shooting and that entire ball-catching and court trash-talking thing. Haha.
  13. I have no “airplane experience” yet, hopefully sooner.
  14. I am a very appreciative person. I am not hard to please. I’m just not sure if I’m being able to show it.
  15. I have always loved dancing. I attend zumba classes because I really can’t give dancing up. The health and fitness benefits are just my secondary reasons.
  16. My favorite number is 16, simply because I was born on the 16th of the month.
  17. I am a crybaby. Until now. My tears fall easily. I cry when I'm happy, I cry when I'm mad. Blame my eyes.
  18. I have a thing for proposals and weddings. Sometimes I really want to be a proposal/wedding planner/coordinator but I think being one is actually more serious than how I think it is.
  19. I still believe that marriage [and sex] are sacred.
  20. My favorite color is blue. Give me anything blue and I might say “I love you” right away. Haha! I love violet, pink and orange sometimes though.
  21. I am infinite and I don’t let the rules define me. To define is to limit, you know. I don’t think I am limited. ;)

There you go! And yes, I provided 21 instead of 20. ;) I won’t be tagging people because I don’t think anyone would actually take time to read this. Would just share it anyway. Haha!

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